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About the (dubious) source of these stories

Randolph Um Abitmad, Randy to his friend, was born at a very early age. His somewhat unusual middle name came as his father paused for thought while registering the little chap.

Randolph’s gift for making up stories emerged whilst at school. He revels in telling the story of how he wrote an essay so convincing he left a gullible history teacher believing that the Battle of Hebden Bridge was between some drunken Salvation Army Bandsmen and an innocent Millwall supporter on his way back from a carol concert.

His talent was spotted by Heza Lyre of “Complete Fabrications” the public relations recruitment and building contractor company. Heza got the young Randolph a job at the Queenham Echo where his creativity went from strength to strength. His finest hour was writing a glowing review of sporting dinner held by the local football club. Unfortunately the dinner had to be cancelled due to a waterlogged pitch. He didn’t let the fact that the dinner was cancelled stop him printing his fine review.

Shortly after this incident Randolph landed his dream job making up stories for a national newspaper. He was given complete creative freedom to make up stories about pop stars, film stars, sportsmen (plus their wives and girlfriends) and the politicians that the owners of the newspaper didn’t like.

Randolph lives in a leafy London borough with his Russian wife Stolichnaya and his children Sapphire and Gordon. He also claims has a dog named Tonic. No one has ever seen them so it is very likely he made them up too.